« February 2008 | Main | May 2008 »

April 26, 2008

Seminary Struggle

Though I heard about it, I never thought much of it. A few people mentioned that seminary can be a time of spiritual warfare. Can I get an AMEN! Wow- I feel like I have to fight for truth like I have not fought before. In a weird way I'm thankful I'm not the only one in this boat- I spoke with a graduate recently who said the same thing and I know others who have also mentioned it. I've been though deep times of questioning and doubt about the whole thing- Is God real? Does he care? If so, why doesn't he do something about how broken the world is! And then I look at myself- I'm suppose to be the light of the world. the salt of the earth? I almost want to laugh, and then I want to cry!

One of the reasons I moved to STL was because of NCF. I have found that my doubts and questions about God are not shamed or responded to with shock. I am lovingly called to humble my heart and believe God's truth- over against what I may feel. But I'm called to do that by people who know their own tendencies toward unbelief and know they have to humble their heart again and again. Pastor Barry's sermon last Sunday was what my heart needed. (I don't think it is online yet but you can get it on that link). He spoke of when his heart begins to think he knows better than God about how to deal with the sufferings of this world. That is where my heart has been- prone to wander to arrogance and unbelief, to think- "Oh, if I were God I wouldn't have allowed that!"

I'm so thankful that Jesus came for those who struggle, for the sick, for those who find it hard to believe, who are fearful, and don't trust very easily. I'm also thankful he knows what it is like to be on this earth, to suffer, and he knows and understands the cries of our heart.

I found this on the blog: Nouwen Online Reading Group
My fears, dear Lord, of opening my eyes to the suffering world are deeply rooted in my own anxious heart. I am not sure that I, myself, am truly loved and safely held, and so I keep my distance from other people’s fear-filled lives. But again you say: “Do not be afraid to let me look at your wounded heart, to embrace you, to heal you, to comfort and console you . . . because I love you with a love that knows no bounds and poses no conditions.”. . . As your passion, death, and resurrection continue in history, give me the hope, the courage, and the confidence to let your heart unite my heart with the hearts of all your suffering people, and so become for us the divine source of new life.
Amen.

Posted by Miss Mark at 9:14 AM | Comments (2)

April 14, 2008

Gospel Choir Concert

FYI:

What: Visions Gospel Choir Spring Concert
When: Saturday, April 19, 2008 7:00pm - 9:00pm
Where: Graham Chapel at Washington University

Also, it's free. Come if you can! :)

On this map Graham Chapel is number 39.

Posted by Miss Mark at 3:22 PM | Comments (1)

April 7, 2008

Longing

I was talking with a friend today about longing for things to be made right in this world being overwhelmed by how broken this world is. At times I am so overcome with grief at the amount of sin in this world… child sex trafficking, spouse abuse, people forced to live in inhumane conditions, starvation,... the list continues… this includes being overwhelmed with my own sin and God’s call to be salt and light in this dark world.

I realize I tend toward the pride of having a “savior” mentality and trying to fix the world on my own. In Sunday school this a.m. we were discussing focusing on being in a community of Christians. Sometimes I can feel isolated, even though I’m part of an amazing community, and feel like I have to live this life on my own.

So, yes, this intense longing- this world is screw up and I often lose the fact that God knows this and is here. I need help to see how He is at work in the world. Father, open my eyes! I cannot always see! I can get so focused on my on imperfections and then mad at myself for not trusting that that is exactly why Jesus came! He came for me, a fumbling, wandering sheep. Sheep---hmm… not many sheep in our STL area- I’m trying to think of an animal that would fit better into our context. Any ideas?

Anyway, as I was cooking for the week I read a little of a book Neil lent to me: “Readings for Meditation and Reflection” from C.S. Lewis.

This is actually from "Mere Christianity" and discusses how we are to respond to how we deal with our longings.

Lewis says, “Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A ducking wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find myself a desire which no experience in this words can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it but only to arouse it, to suggest the read thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one had, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same.”

Posted by Miss Mark at 12:16 AM

April 4, 2008

Breaks Prices

So, my brakes were squeaking on my car and in need of fixing. I stopped by Car X yesterday to see if they would check them out. They came back and told me that it was going to be, at first, about $500 for them to put new brake pads on and that I needed my rotors replaced. Yikes! So I told them I needed to call a few other places to check prices.
I had had good experience with Henry's in the past so I called them and said I was pricing brake pads and rotors. When he asked me more about my car he said he highly doubted I needed new roters and that Car X was charging me way too much.
I called Amanda to see her experience at Henry's and she said they had helped her out and did a good job. (Thanks ALS!!)
I also knew NCF goes to them at times too for the auto minstry.
So I'm just putting a plug in for Henry's. I only cost me about $170 for the new brake pads and he said I didn't even need new roters.
Yay!!

I know Heidi has a great place she likes as well but I can't remember the name of it.

So yay for Henry's, yay for good service, and yay for new brake pads-- no more squeeky, for a while.

Posted by Miss Mark at 6:46 PM | Comments (2)